Boys in the Woods

Seven Times Around The Sun

2012-01-22T13:54:00.000-08:00

Jacks birthday started with sleep over friends, and presents at breakfast, and progressed to the Pancake Breakfast with even more friends at Tapeley in aid of Two Rivers.

Jack and friends choosing their fillings.

Sun streaming through the barn windows.

The dedicated kitchen staff.

And this, oh this, this is my first ever cuddle with this long anticipated and much thought about little chap. My friends third child, and first boy, little Ocean.

Details of his amazing birth on the Birthwise blog.

Hurt Yurt

2012-01-11T13:59:00.000-08:00

The gale force winds of last week claimed one very sorry looking victim on the Two Rivers site.

Our beautiful yurt, and the children's classroom, had its roof blown in by the huge gale. It was a very sad sight.

We raced the rain to untangle and untie all the ropes and straps that held the canvas in place, pack the whole thing down and get it somewhere safe and dry.

We rescued all the equipment and furniture, collapsed the yurt, and covered the base with tarpaulin.

The yurt is being stored until the worst of the weather has passed, and we have kindly been given the use of the barn at Tapeley Park to run the Kindergarten from for the next couple of months.

Incredibly the only actual damage was one of the central posts that support the wheel had been broken. The post was rushed off site and thanks to Grant of Ironshirt is now all fixed and awaiting a future yurt raising

The First Few Days - The Quay

2012-01-10T09:51:00.000-08:00

At the very beginning of this new year anything seems possible. Rules seem to have been shaken and in some cases re-written by the shift into 2012. These first tentative steps into these fresh new days are strange. I am trying to flow with the feelings of change and making sure we just keep heading wherever it's taking us.

This was Sunday morning. The quay was draped in mist and the storms had left the higher reaches of the beach strewn with seaweed and driftwood, whilst the sand looked as though it had been polished flat. We explored it with friends, finding empty shark egg cases and lumps of timber for the fire. It felt wild, elemental and perfect down there.

Photos courtesy of Frankie from Bluebells and Two Rivers

There Was Once A Boy.......

2012-01-09T11:48:00.000-08:00

There was once a boy who loved nothing more in all the world than playing the guitar.

He had a nice acoustic guitar that a friend had passed on to him, and he borrowed an old electric guitar from another family friend.

He wasn't concerned with playing trendy music, and listened to Hendrix and Stevie Ray Vaughan in his bedroom.

And dreamed of a guitar he could play always, and gig with, and make all his own.

I am so grateful to all our friends and family who helped make this boys dreams come true.

I can't tell you how good it felt to leave Mansons guitar shop with him carrying his very own carefully selected Les Paul, and wearing the biggest smile I have ever seen.

One day Mansons will have a poster of him on their wall, and tell punters that the legendary Fin bought his first guitar from their shop.....and I was there!

A Small Christmas

2012-01-04T14:06:00.000-08:00

Ok ok, so Christmas was soooo last year, but I've been busy.
This was the Small Schools Christmas dinner. Planned by me, prepared for largely by me, and eventually orchestrated and catered for by many others as my cold turned to asthma attack during our 'peeling party' the evening before.
I was wrapped up, picked up, plonked on a bench, looked after, fed and eventually driven home again so I didn't miss out.

The room was filled with students and parents both past and present, teachers, governors and love. It was a great meal.

On Loss

2012-01-02T11:29:00.000-08:00

Everyone experiences loss, at different times and in different ways. True loss, the kind of irretrievable, for all time sort of loss, may be the most all encompassing of emotions, and yet we avoid its stare, avert our eyes and hurry past it like it were abandoned luggage in an airport or leprosy.

We are, for the most part, very well skilled in sharing in others joys and loves, but when it comes to their griefs and losses we are often left mute and incompetent. We are drawn to joy like moths to a flame, but are repelled by the more negative emotions. A person who has somehow acquired the skills necessary to stand firm and move towards someones grief is a rare and precious thing, and they will stand out like a sore thumb. Most people can remember a time when they experienced grief through loss, and for most there will have been someone who stood out as an important guide, who threw a rope, held out a hand, reached into the deep and pulled them out. How wonderful it would be to be the rope thrower, to be strong enough to reach into the deep.

How can we teach our children to deal with loss, both their own and the griefs and losses of those around them. To avoid these parts of life will only leave them unprepared for their own experiences. To always 'make good' suggests that grief is something to be hidden, avoided, covered up, and will offer them no protection against the inevitable negative emotions that life will deliver. To go through life with out ever experiencing loss would be a strange and rare thing indeed.

But to feel loss you must have had something to lose. Your heart can't feel empty if there was nothing to fill it. The greater the loss, the greater the love, and that should be rejoiced. Pain is only a different measure of happiness, and though the grief experienced at any time may be overwhelming it is only made possible by the love that came before it. But the love must come first, there is no loss where there has been no love, and there will be love again in even an empty heart. Love is stronger. Joy will always overcome sorrow, hope outstrip despair, and even in the depths of grief there will be things to remind you that in time, this too shall pass.

I don't do new years resolutions. I try to live throughout the year with an awareness of my strengths and limitations, and I reserve the right to make it up as I go along. But I intend to work harder to stand with grief and loss, both in myself and in others, without flinching or turning away. I intend to recognise and value the strength of the emotion, and learn and grow from it with every bit as much devotion as I have applied to love and happiness.

Up Here

2011-11-11T13:03:00.000-08:00

From up here, I can see my house. I can see the smoke rising from the chimneys of the houses near by, and I can see my chimney quiet and cold because I am not there to tend the fire.

From up here I can my friend's baby being born, and I can see the scarred blackened tarmac of the M5.

From up here I can see my grandparents standing on the steps of Morningside Church in Edinburgh, my Nana's veil flying theatrically in the wind as my Pop stands to attention in his RAF uniform. I can see the smile on her face as wide as the sky itself.

From up here I can see myself kissing my first love, and still feel the softness of his sofa underneath me. The echos of his dog barking and 'They Might Be Giants' joining the wind in my ears.

Up here we are removed from the world, and maybe if we stayed up here the world would forget that we were ever down amongst it.

Up here we stand like giants,

Up here, we can touch the moon.

Fred's Snack

2011-10-30T13:50:00.000-07:00

So, I'm still a little crook, having had an unpleasant bout of assorted 'itis's'. Up and about but slow and rattling with the drug cocktail the Doctor has medicined me with. The children have been largely unsupervised since Tuesday, and have trashed the place. I have also got about a weeks worth of laundry and housework to catch up on, and school starting back tomorrow.

And when I say I'm still a little slow I really mean sloooow.

So when Freddie left me changing beds up stairs to go and put some fruit in his snack bowl I didn't think to check what he was after.

This is what I found when I came back down.

"Fred, are you trying to eat a pumpkin?"

"No",

"What's it doing in your snack bowl then?"

"erm, resting".

This Moment :: Pumpkin Carving

2011-10-28T05:08:00.000-07:00

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Inspired by Amanda of Soule Mama

Just A Bit More Swell

2011-10-27T13:06:00.000-07:00

After taking Fin to Westward Ho! I dropped him at home and raced down to the Quay.

The tide was right in by then, and all the surfers had gone home, but the waves were still spectacular.

Just Swell

2011-10-25T12:53:00.000-07:00

Oh, this is only the beginning.

There will be so many more swells over the next few months, and although I won't get to play in them until I am a far far far better surfer (catching a wave at all would be a start!!), I know a boy who will.

And the waves, the storms, the huge crashing surf to come.

HOW excited am I!!?

Half Terming - Dog Walking

2011-10-25T04:13:00.000-07:00

Just a little bit of autumnal walking with some lovely friends and lively children.

Two Rivers Open Day

2011-10-02T14:14:00.000-07:00

Two Rivers Steiner Inspired Kindergarten opened it's gates the weekend before last.

The days leading up to the big day were soggy to say the least, and there were still plenty of jobs that needed doing.

My time has had so many other demands on it of late that I have hardly stepped foot on site over the last few months. I was amazed and impressed by how much had been achieved since my last visit. To my friends who had been working there constantly the site was a visual list of unfinished jobs and unpurchased materials, but to my eyes it just looked beautiful.

We did have a few things that really needed finishing before the Open Day though, like the compost loo's for instance.

The entrance and porch, leading through to the yurt that is the main classroom.

The day itself was very well attended, with lots of people visiting who had had no previous involvement with the project. We sold tea and cakes, and had craft activities, and I was hair wrapping all afternoon.

The wood burner was lit, and the wind turned a little chillier in the afternoon so the yurt became the place to be.

I hair wrapped by the fire and listened to the gently bubbling conversation amongst the parents.

It was a lovely, unhurried, gentle day.The sort of a day that starts as one thing and then effortlessly flows into others.

I would have taken more photos, but there was a lot of tea to be served and people to talk to and hair to wrap. Next time.

This Moment :: Paddling

2011-09-30T13:29:00.000-07:00

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Inspired by Amanda of Soule Mama

Beautiful Brilliant Sun Shiney Day

2011-09-28T14:31:00.000-07:00

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. And today? Today is a gift. That's why we call it the present. ~Babatunde Olatunji

Road Tripping Part 2

2011-09-27T14:04:00.000-07:00

The last part of our trip was also our longest stop. And it wanted to be as well. The last leg was Sussex, and my Cousins.

They are all younger than me, with the youngest being less than two years older then Fin. I grew up looking after these boys on family holidays and visits, and it was so deeply heart-warming to hear the sound of them reading to my boys in bed, or playing with them in the garden.

Fred helping to organise the hose for car washing.

This was the highlight of the trip though! The Selmeston Village show. Oh yes, the Village Show, you know the score. And if you don't, if you are either not affiliated with a village, or have just never taken yourself along to one, then you must. Almost every village in the country has one, and they all follow the same blueprint, more or less. What you really need is the list of entries, that's the best bit. Deciding whether to enter category 15.a) 'single floating fuscia flower in a wine glass', or maybe 23 'assortment of tropical fruit on a plate', or perhaps go all out for 67 'fruit cake (boiled, not banana or carrot)'.

My lovely Aunt Lucy is on the committee, so was very busy with marquee erecting and hamper arrangement, but had also entered all the categories she thought she could reasonably manage. The various bits of veg and flowers were assembled, and she had a small paper plate of the the best of a batch of meringues waiting to go. The only thing that was left to do was the cheese straws, which my youngest cousin Will's girlfriend Beth had said she would make. So, at about 9.30pm on the eve of the show, in someone else's kitchen, Beth and I made some cheese straws. We even managed to stop Will and Tris from eating all of them before they too were put on their little paper plate to be entered into 59 'cheese straws (3 on a plate)'

The tense gathering to hear the raffle called.

And third prize for the cheese straws! Oh I tried so hard not to be bothered, but third prize in a baking category at a village garden show is not something to be sniffed at, believe me. It's a cut throat, dog eat dog kind of a culture, and the W.I are not to be messed with.

Road Tripping Part 1

2011-09-23T14:43:00.000-07:00

So, the summer....

Yes, I know that was ages ago, and I should have blogged this sooner, but we have been ever so busy with the start of a new term and the re-start of my classes.

In fact the only real reason that this post is so late is that my computer has decided that uploading photos to Blogger is just soooo last season and to get any pics on here is currently requiring the patience of a Saint and an evening entirely devoid of more important things to do.

And I have neither.

Ok, so road trip

First stop was Bristol, then on to stay with my beautiful sister and her Mum in Gloucestershire.

We took the boys to Bowood House, a large country estate with this brilliant adventure playground within its grounds.

And fairly typically, this is Jack in the safety nets! This drew quite a crowd, especially when Fin had to get in there to rescue him.

Fin doing his best to get Kirsty to be sick

We left Gloucestershire and headed over to my smashing mates new home in Epsom. This was last time I visited them.

So, are Epsom and Ewell Borough Council a) the most naive Council in the UK, or b) the only council in the UK with a sense of humour?

Please, if anyone knows of a better named shopping centre anywhere in the UK, do let me know.

Kite flying on Epsom Downs.

A good dose of tree hugging in Nonsuch Park

Is it the association with ice creams, or the having your photo taken that becomes unacceptable at the age of 12?

Using Epsom as a base we spent a soggy but fantastic day in London with the splendidly dressed Uncle Ben and friends. There is nothing quite like a damp 3 year old for ruining a perfectly good suit!!

We went to the Natural History Museum which was immense. Unfortunately being a wet day in the summer holidays, we were joined by most of London!

It was such a great place for the boys though, and so lovely to spend some time with Ben and his friends, having not seen him since Cornwall.

From here we moved on to Sussex, but that will have to wait until I feel a Saint-like dose of patience coming on!

Carnival Night

2011-09-05T02:23:00.000-07:00

Our new village has a carnival. Lots of large villages have a carnival, but ours is a big deal.

People start to fill up the car parking fields from mid afternoon, and by the time the carnival starts the whole village is packed.

These folks were ace. They were 'Zimmer Fame' and they did a brilliant and energetic dance routine to 'party rock anthem', using sticks and zimmer frames.

This was the Yeo Valley float.

This was my favourite. Not so humorous or exciting as so many of the others, but it wasn't Mr Flintstone on his dinosaur that made it so brilliant.

It was this woman who was following behind the dinosaur on foot. She walked with a stick and wore a big fur coat and a wig, and had a sign around her neck saying 'Mother-in-law-a-saurus'.

The exhaust from the 'dinosaur' covered her in an almost constant cloud of smog, only improved when the machine started to get away from her and she had to frantically shuffle, stick manically pounding the road, to catch up.

I know it shouldn't have been nearly so funny as it was, but the sight of her scuttling after the smoggy 'dinosaur' was hysterical.

Tasteless to the extreme, these were the Somali Pirates, complete with hostages tied to the mast which they only picked up as they went around. The float itself was just a bit tasteless, but massively improved by this chap...

The H.M. Customs Officer in his little boat who pursued them throughout, coming alongside when road space and crowds allowed.

The Inbetweeners did two laps of the village like this, then on the third lap...

They pulled! We were all so pleased for them!

There were so many floats and so much to see. They were all brilliant and had clearly taken so much work. But my favourite part of the whole thing came later.

The best bit for me, by far was dancing into the night to a samba band ,with half the village in the square. I had Fred strapped to my back,and Jack was dancing with his friends. The atmosphere was fantastic and I could have stayed there until dawn, if the samba band and children hadn't tired eventually.

Half the band are either parents or teachers from Fins school. In this photo we have both the schools Head and their media teacher!

Returning

2011-08-30T13:43:00.000-07:00

Now is the time to return to this space.

The boys and I have been having so many adventures, all of which are bursting to be shared. And I will share them all, the carnivals and epic road trips and festivals and visits, all in good time. I did feel though that to plunge straight into this summers exploits after so long a break might be a little forward. So for now, just a few new places we are now grateful to call our playgrounds.

Until Then...

2011-07-11T12:36:00.000-07:00

I use this blog as a space to share our family adventures with absent family and friends, and anyone in the wider world who wants to come along with us. I have always focused on the enriching and positive aspects of our lives, even when times have been hard, but we are facing some huge changes and unprecedentedly tough time here in the woods.

Because of this I have been absent from this space for a while, and will continue to be for a little while longer, just until things settle down.

I will return before too long, with tales of a new home by the sea and positive happenings again.

Until then..

This Moment :: Evening Wanderings

2011-06-16T08:34:00.000-07:00

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Inspired by Amanda of Soulemama

Take Me Farming, Barefoot in the Rain

2011-06-07T11:57:00.000-07:00

Is it because I is red?

YES! you are so beautifully red.

Amaranth 'Red Army'.

This is a poly-culture. In here we have squash, sweetcorn and a climbing french bean called 'Cherokee Trail of Tears'. The idea is that the squash spread over the ground whilst the sweetcorn grow up strong and tall, and the beans climb up the sweetcorn.

We wait to see.

Today was hot and humid, and interspersed with bursts of rain. I started the day with hoodie and wellies, and by the end of it I was down to bra and rolled up trousers. The morning rain showers had ceased by the afternoon, and despite the deep grey menacing sky that threatened to dowse us at any time, they didn't return.

The soil felt warm and alive under foot.

Half Term in Cornwall

2011-06-05T12:45:00.000-07:00

My Birthday and half term in Cornwall.

sea,

rock pools,

raw birthday cake,

woods,

Pimms,

barbeques,

kick the can,

seaweed,

evenings,

lobster,

beautiful days,

beautiful people,

happy children,

delicious food,

and laughing.

Lots and lots of laughing.

And all over far, far too soon.

More photos to follow when I find the cable for my phone!

And now 31! I have issues with that that I didn't have with turning 30. I couldn't begin to fathom why.

Lily's 6th Birthday

2011-05-26T15:46:00.000-07:00

Lily turned 6, so we were in the woods just like last year.

Only this time they were all a bit bigger. This big one at times almost indiscernible from the adults, and last years babies up and everywhere. The slightly advanced years of the older little ones was really noticeable, as they were all just that little bit more independent. Disappearing off in groups and running their own games with little input or awareness from the adults.

We all bought food and Frankie cooked pasta on the chimenea. What a brilliant outside stove that thing is.

Sneji brought salads and a really yum bean, garlic and mushroom salad that reminded me of France.

I made a coconut, blueberry and cacao torte and widely publicised that fact that it was not only raw but also good for you. Despite this, the men still ate a huge portion of it. I would have been pleased that it had been so well received, had it not meant there was considerably less for us, and nothing in the way of leftovers.

Lily's birthday present began life like this,

and ended up like this. Again, no working camera and reliance on my phone for photos really takes it's toll! especially on a dusky May evening in the woods.

Lily looked perfect in trousers and skirt and crocs and mud and leaf litter. I always think a girl misses out if she doesn't end her birthday party with leaf litter in her hair. Beats a tiara any day.

And just before bed we went to the end of the woods and released a purple sky lantern. We all made a wish for Lily as it floated up into the evening sky. Well, we all tried to make a wish, but it took so long to light, and kept coming down causing Simon and Fin to dash about the neighbouring field after it, that by the time it was truly air born we were mostly doubled over with laughter. I laughed so much I cried.

Happy 6th time around the sun Lily. x

Easter

2011-04-29T03:45:00.000-07:00

There have been eggs hunted at my Granny and Grandpa's house on Easter Sunday since time began, or certainly since I could walk.

There has never been a shortage of children and adults willing to race against the sun to find the slowley melting chocolates, and there has never been a year when all the little foil wrapped mini eggs were found. My brother and I used to delight in finding the remains of them in obscure hiding places throughout the year!

Big Change For My Little Boy

2011-04-24T12:03:00.000-07:00

I know it's Easter Sunday, and I really should be posting about our egg hunts and family visits, but something more important happened today. Something I wasn't at all prepared for, and something that I am still having to adjust to even as I sit here typing.

This morning produced a conversation which went like this:

Fred: Daddy, my lego man is stuck in my hair,

Daddy: Ok, I'll get it out. It's because your hair is too long Freddie,

Fred: I want a haircut,

Daddy: (To Mummy) Did you hear that darling?

Mummy: Freddie, do you love your floffy hair, or do you want it cut?

Fred: I want it cut

A lot of things happened quite quickly after that, and before I could think of a way out, or leave it a reasonably length of time so that he forgot all about it, we wound up in Auntie Ann's salon.

I know everyone else thinks I should have cut it ages ago, and I never intended to grow it long, but I just couldn't bear to cut off his beautiful curls.

No one else could really understand that as no one else had ever spent hours twirling his ringlets around their fingers as he breastfed.

But it was his hair, and so in the end it was his choice. To say I have shed a tear would be a lie, in truth I cried a lot, and have been doing so on and off for the last few hours!

So here he is, my big boy, my last baby, my last ringlets.

Doesn't he look so smart!

This Moment :: Lamb Spotting

2011-04-22T06:09:00.000-07:00

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Inspired by Amanda of Soule Mama

Wishing you all a very Good Friday

These Old Hands

2011-04-21T12:20:00.000-07:00

These hands held my mother when she was tiny, and delivered her younger brother, my uncle, when my Granny went into labour in the middle of a snow storm.

They've built kitchens and extensions and stair gates and caravans,

They've mended broken furniture, and improved things that didn't work as well as they could.

And last week they helped me plane off the runners under some lovely old oak drawers that had decided they had fitted for long enough and were going to get a bit big for their holes.

I love my Grandpa's workshop/garage. I love the rows and rows of ancient jars with hand written labels full of every fixture and fitting you could ever want.

I love the tools all stored in their original boxes, and the piles and oddments of assorted woods just waiting to be put to good use.

My Granny says she's a 'garage widdow', I can think of worse things to be!

These hands haven't been idle in the last 88 years, and they certainly weren't going to stay put long enough for me to take a picture.

Early To Rise

2011-04-20T11:55:00.000-07:00

Sometimes Fred gets up very very early, and sometimes that is no bad thing. Especially if it happens to be a weekend when everyone else is sleeping and it's a beautiful morning outside.

The mist in the Torridge valley was spectacular. My camera couldn't catch it, but looking over towards the moor was like looking out over a sea dotted with tiny islands.

The field at the top is the one I am trying to persuade the owners to let out as allotments.

Fred was various things on our walk, but mostly a pirate. He was wearing his pirate trousers after all.

He declared that we were on a pirate island, and that we had to go down to the water, by which he meant the mist. We did walk down into the valley a little way, but the mist was freezing, so he quickly changed his mind.

Clearly a fair weather pirate.

Just A Little Flood

2011-04-19T09:58:00.000-07:00

The day hadn't gone well. Firstly, the book I am waiting for still didn't arrive. I'm sure it will be here tomorrow, but I was sure it would get here this morning as well.

The craft papers I ordered may or may not be here in time for making our Easter bits and pieces as planned, as I had bought what we needed on e-bay, but neglected to actually pay for them at the time!

We went up to our friend woods this morning to put up a 5 meter bell tent I had been given by other friends. I have wanted a bell tent, specifically this exact bell tent, for at least 7 years now, so I was fairly excited at the prospect of getting it up and using it. They gave it to me as it had been sitting in the corner of a shed in a sad heap for an age,and it was doing it no good.

Unfortunately it had done it slightly more 'no good' than was originally thought, and large areas of the canvas had started to rot.
It was gutting as it looked so beautiful once it was up, even green and grubby.

The day didn't get much better until we were driving back from Bideford after dropping Fin off with his friend for the night. We had noticed the tide seemed quite high in the estuary, but as we drove along the Torridge valley we found this!

I know that it isn't entirely healthy to love floods so much but I just can't help it. I know I have said it here but the sight of a flooded river valley, or even better a flooded football pitch, really does lift my spirits.

The picture above is someones garden, and they were watching the river from their porch across the road. I stopped and asked if this was unusually high. The man smiled and said in broad Devon "no, no, does get higher, thank goodness. Tis' bootiful".

Recent Stitches and Fred-Style

2011-04-18T12:51:00.000-07:00

There have been a few projects being finished recently, and as usual rather more being started. I still haven't finished several gift projects that are way overdue, but I did manage to make this dress for my friends little girls second birthday.

The fabric is called 'Summer's Basket of Flowers' by Moda. I bought it to make a dress for her first Birthday, but by then she had been handed down a dress I made for another friends daughter, so I decided to wait until she was a bit bigger.

The pattern is basically the 'flowergirl dress' pattern in Heather Bailey's Weekend Sewing, just mucked about a bit with.

I am yet to deliver it, but will attempt a photo once it is on it's intended recipient. Fred did want to have his photo taken wearing it, as I used him as a rough dummy, but his brothers strongly protested.

The other recently completed projects were Fred's Birthday trousers which I posted pics of here.

We get through trousers in our house, what with mud and paint and the occasional potty training accident they are in great demand.

Fred got a pair of pirate trousers to match Jack's, and these lovely soft green cotton ticking ones. I love ticking for the boys trousers. It is just so soft yet hard wearing.

The pattern was again from Weekend Sewing, and was a roughly enoughly version of the Huck Fin Pants, although they didn't go up large enough so I upsized them considerably and added a lot of length as the originals were more like long shorts. As I've said before, if I am going to make something, especially for the smallest one, I'm going to make it big enough to last a while.

The tank top was a birthday gift from the friends who's little girl the dress above is for. He LOVES it. We are washing and wearing it, and he keeps fishing it off the clothes horse and changing into it.

This is Birthday outfit, Fred-style!

The View From Here

2011-04-15T12:15:00.000-07:00

This is my view.

Firstly, let me say that I feel overwhelmingly blessed to have our house. It is and will be a fantastic house in a beautiful village, and for that I am really grateful.

But we don't have a garden, just a small courtyard, so to let off steam we go around the corner to the village park.

And I plonk myself on the grass with my knitting and my tea (yes, my tea, carried carefully around the corner in my largest mug) and from there, this is my view.

There are swings, and a climbing frame with slide and firemans pole, and a pitch with football goals and a rugby bar, and a basketball hoop.

But when someone calls "please come and push me on the swing" or "can you come and be in goal" I'm never quite so eager to jump up as when they call "can you come and hunt for wolves with me in the forest" or "we need you in the faerie wood for a tea party".

Yup, this is my favourite bit, and my prefered view.

A Flying Woods Visit

2011-04-14T13:40:00.000-07:00

We haven't been up to our friends woods for ages. I can't actually remember the last time we were here. And to be fair, we were only popping in this time as well, but it did feel so good to be back up there.

This is such a special place for all of us. And just being here in sandals and Sunshine reminded me of all the wonderful warm days of summer that are yet to come this year. All the camping and climbing and cooking and knitting and reading and playing we will do in this little piece of woodland.

And that's just here. There are so many other places that are dear to us where we spend our summer times, and so many places we haven't been yet that we hope to visit this summer.

Oooh, I can't wait!

A Talk on Waldorf Education

2011-04-13T11:52:00.000-07:00

A little while ago now we arranged for Kevin Avison, an influential member of the Steiner Waldorf Schools Fellowship, to come to North Devon and give an introductory talk on Steiner Waldorf education,

We booked the Barn at Tapely as the venue, as we felt that it would be good to organise the talk as near as possible to the school site.

We set the hall up in the morning. We had our craft stall, a table of info and prospectuses, and an information display full of photos of what we had been up to so far.

Kevin arrived late morning and we had a good meeting with him, discussing what we were doing and asking him a whole plethora of questions about other Steiner Waldorf set ups and his own experiences.

We had put up posters around and about in both Barnstaple and Bideford, but we had all been so busy with the works on site that we all felt the whole thing was a bit rushed and underprepared, so we really had no idea if anyone would turn up.

We set up the cafe area in the bar, adjacent to the main hall, and put up signs to direct people through so they would hopefully buy tea and cakes on their way in. I stood by the door to take the entrance fee of £2, and we waited for 2 o'clock to roll around.

The first few people started to wander in at about 1.45, and they didn't stop.

By about 2.15 I had to leave admissions to someone else and go and introduce Kevin so the talk could start.

It was packed, standing room only, and only about 3 people had previously been involved with Bluebells or the Two Rivers project. In fact, the vast majority had been to one or other of my classes which left me with a warm glowy feeling inside!

The talk went really well. I learnt a ton of stuff, and loved standing at the back and watching every ones reactions to what was being said.

And I know, I know, that all this interest doesn't necessarily translate into involvement with the school, or children enrolled, but it's a start.

Oh yes, it's a good start.

Three Times Around The Sun

2011-04-13T04:12:00.000-07:00

He had only a few requests really, and they were for lolly pops and a close encounter with a pony.

Luckily he has never had a lolly pop, and won't as long as I'm in charge, so making oaty biscuits and stuffing them on lolly sticks was perfect in his eyes.

As for the pony thang, that was slightly more problematic as I am allergic to horses, so the encounter had to be brief and ideally, away from stables.

We went, with friends, to the 'Big Sheep' park, and he rode and bounced, and played, and stroked lambs, and walked one lap of a school on a pony, and ate biscuit lollies, and watched his older brothers and friends try climbing and mountain boarding, and hunted for tiny foiled chocolate eggs, and played at being a jedi to an unsuspecting family having lunch in the picnic area, and had chips and carrot cake for supper, and a new story book for bed time.

And apparently now, he's six!

Long Evening Shadows

2011-04-08T12:01:00.000-07:00

There is something so precious about those last warm rays of sun on a gift of a spring day

Like stolen pleasures when you should be bowing your head to the oncoming night

Don't you know it's the evening, and all the right and proper rituals should be observed

There is supper to be made and cleared, and baths to take and beds to make, curtains to be drawn and stories to be read. What are you doing here?

Well today is a gift, and we are showing it our gratitude.

What use is warm evening sunshine if you don't bask in it?

The night will come and we will eat toast, and bath tomorrow, and read stories in bed with crumbs on our faces and soil between our toes.

And the joyous evening sun will make giants of us, and our long shadows.

Truffles for Mothers Day

2011-04-07T13:13:00.000-07:00

If I'm totally honest, I'm a bit of a food tart.

If it's fiddly, or difficult, or lets face it, tarty, it appeals.

I love truffles so much. They are not only fiddly to make and tarty to decorate, they also taste amazing.

The tray above were made for my Mum, and they are honey and almond, dark cherry, crystallised ginger, and chai. And they are all milk free.

These were for my Granny and were made with real cream instead of the soya cream I used in my Mums. Granny got white chocolate cherry, dark ginger, salted caramel, mint, chocolate orange, and honey and almond.

I also made a chili and lime version but it wouldn't harden enough in time to be turned into a truffle. A shame really as this was definitely my favourite flavour, but on the plus side I do have a whole cup full of it in the fridge so hey-ho!

I used a basic recipe and then played with it to achieve the different flavours and textures, but here is the basic theme;

Dark Chocolate Truffles

100g dark chocolate

100ml double cream

25g unsalted butter,

1 tbsp of either honey, maple syrup or golden syrup

Melt everything together in either a double boiler of a heat proof bowl over a pan of hot water. Do this using low heat and have patience or bad things will happen.

When all is melted and blended nicely together, add your chosen flavouring such as chopped cherries, crystallised ginger, orange essence etc, and leave in the fridge overnight to set.

Once set, scoop out tea spoon size blobs and form into rough ball shapes with your fingers. Then cover as you wish. A simple way is to roll them in caster sugar, or drinking chocolate. Cocoa powder works well if you want that really bitter chocolate bite. Or you can roll them in nuts or sprinkles.

To chocolate coat them you need to melt just chocolate as described above, and then drop the truffles quickly into the melted chocolate before removing them onto some grease-proof paper to set.

Once made, they will keep in the fridge for about 10 days..... as if they would ever make it that far!

A Baby Warming Sling

2011-04-06T12:21:00.000-07:00

My very good friend, and owner of the Share Harvest Farm I work on, had her 5th baby last year. Olivia is only the second girl in the clan, but that is still two more than I have managed!

On a visit to my house when Olivia was still but a wee scrap of a thing, my friend spotted the sling I made for Freddie, and I offered to make her a girly one for her baby warming present.

In my defence, she did say at the time "oh don't worry about it straight away as she's still a bit little"

So here she is, over a year old, in her finally finished baby warming sling!

What does every girl need to go with a pretty new sling? Smashing new shoes of course.

A Work in Progress, or During......

2011-04-05T12:37:00.000-07:00

Ah, last weekend! Finally able to get photo's off my memory card.

I will take an 'after' photo or two, but not until the sun comes out again.

Well I can't very well go to all this trouble and then not show it to you in it's best light now, can I?

A Long Time Coming

2011-04-03T12:29:00.000-07:00

This post has been a long time coming!

Several years ago now, friends of mine set up the Bluebell Steiner Parent and Child Group in Barnstaple for pre-school children and their families. The group has gone from strength to strength, and over a year ago we started to look for somewhere to take the next step and set up a Steiner Waldorf school.

We explored so many different ways of approaching it. We, unlike may groups of parents who start these sorts of projects, are not well off. None of us had a convenient second home we could sell, or an inheritance we could invest. In fact, the most we could really do was make and bake to try to raise money through fundraising events.

We heard of a Kindergaten that was being run from a yurt in Cornwall, and that seemed to offer a far more realistic way of getting our own school off the ground. A second hand yurt was bought, and we began the endless and seemingly fruitless task of finding a suitable place to site it. It really did seem as though all roads were dead ends. Ideas that seemed really promising quickly fell on their faces, and all avenues seemed to lead to cul-de-sac's.

Until finally, one avenue didn't.

Welcome to the Two Rivers Steiner School!

We have been offered the use of an area of mixed deciduous and pine woodland at the back of Tapely Park, a large stately home that overlooks the estuary at Bideford. The location is brilliant as Bideford is within reasonable reach of Hartland where the Small School is located, and we have always felt that the Small School was the obvious next step for children leaving the school at 11.

We have been hard at work clearing the site, we have had a digger in to clear all the pine tree stumps and dig the compost loos, we have built the base for the yurt and are making good progress on the fencing. There has been so very much work and effort gone in already, and we still have a very long way to go, but it is really truly, earth and wood, sweat and mud, plans and fruition, happening!

The Fall Out

2011-03-31T12:52:00.000-07:00

Ok, confessions first.

My blogging is sparse at the moment, I know. And I really don't like to visit here in such a patchy disjointed way, but we are having some serious technical issues. Our old faithful laptop decided to lose all its memory, and become seemingly unable to store anything about a month or so ago. This meant that I not only have no way of accessing all my stored photos and info, but I also have no way of putting photos on to the computer to add to the blog. This has posed a big problem as I strongly object to posting without pictures. And I have a whole memory cards worth of stuff to share with you, just as soon as I can get our old old pc back up and running again.

Ok, explanations over.

Spending a whole weekend painting the house and neglecting the children has taken it's toll on our usually fairly energetic and physical boys. It has seriously tipped them over the edge!

I have been on damage control all week. They basically did nothing but watch tv and fight for nearly 3 consecutive days and now they have forgotten how to calm down. This ties in interestingly with a post about children's exposure to the media on Bending Birches. I can't believe what 3 days over over exposure has done.

Fin and Fred are similar in that they are both very physical, testosterone laden boys who love lots of loud noises and roaring about the place, and they have both been volatile and aggressive since the weekend. Jack is sensitive and easily overloaded and has basically fallen to pieces, particularly with the increased noise and fury levels at home.

I could feel myself running out of strength for the fight earlier. I could feel all the resolve slipping away and that inevitable, end of the rope, wild eyed and shouty Mummy moment edging ever nearer. So instead I decided to have a Time Out. Not for them, for me.

I wrote a note that said 'Dear Boys, There is so much noise and rumpus in the house that there isn't enough sound left for me to keep on talking, so I have decided to be quiet and not say a word for the next half an hour, and there is so much charging around and running about that there isn't enough movement left for me so I have decided to sit still for the next half an hour. You can come and sit still and quietly with me if you like, but please don't use up any more of the sound or movement around me, or it might take even longer for me to start talking and moving again. Lots of love, Mummy'.

Then I went and sat very still and quiet on the floor, and just observed my breathing.

It took a while, nearly the originally allotted half an hour. At first they just shouted at me, then Jack read the note (useful thing, a six year old that can read like a 9 year old!!), then they tried to hassle me and keep on with the shouting, but eventually they all came and sat quietly. Fred on me, Jack reading on the sofa, and Fin taking the opportunity to go and play his guitar in his room.

It really felt like the calm after the storm. If we are going to get through this renovation, I am going to have to come up with a better plan than tv and biscuits.

Scaffolding Update

2011-03-27T12:52:00.000-07:00

I am shattered. Really truly done in.
The scaffolding went up on the front of the house on Friday, and came down about an hour ago. We have replaced all the guttering, fascias and soffits, and have cleaned off over two decades of filth and moss and lichen.
The painting is nearly all done. I just have the lower part of the house to finish off tomorrow, before the rain comes in.
I wish I could put some photo's up, but we are having some major technical issues with the lap top, and our pc is being fixed.
I must just say though that I am amazed at the house that has emerged form under all that. It looks amazing, far better than I could have ever hoped. I can't wait to show you.
And now, finally, to bed.....

The First Beaching of the Year

2011-03-22T01:04:00.000-07:00

Have you ever seen bullocks released out into the fields for the first time in the spring? Sunday was a similar experience. We made our first beach visit of the year.

It was blissful. Like drawing a big lungful of air after holding your breath for an age.

It might look sunny and glorious but it was still very cold. The boys and I agreed on the walk down that it was still too cold to go in the sea, but that a few rock pools would be fine. That didn't last.

They stayed out of the sea for almost the exact length of time it took them to lose all unnecessary layers of clothing and run at full tilt to the waters edge.

We weren't there long. They all got soaked and cold and hungry, so we walked barefooted back up the hill as it started to rain. I love the first barefooting of the year, with feet so tender and soft from a winter of socks and boots.

Definitely a hot cross bun day. Too cold for ice creams and too short an outing for full blown doughnut action.

I have been absent for a while I know, and I have so very very much to post about and I will, all in good time. But for now, maybe a little clue from our beach day as to what we have been so busy doing....

This Moment :: The Blackout

2011-02-04T08:48:00.000-08:00

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Inspired by Amanda of Soule Mama

Stripping in the Boudoir.

2011-02-03T09:45:00.000-08:00

I'm not going to lie to you, It's not going well!

This is our room, although in name only as we are now sleeping on the sofa bed in the sitting room.

The wall paper is off, so is a large quantity of the plaster and much of the cob that was covering the stone walls. The next step was going to be poly-filling the cracks and holes.

I don't think I have enough poly-filler to deal with this!

Progress

2011-02-01T12:36:00.000-08:00

A dismal start,

A grumpy boy,

A dirty mess,

Some welcome friends,

A late afternoon sunbeam,

And progress.

A Cautionary Tale

2011-01-31T08:48:00.000-08:00

I don't drink. I'm not anti or a Methodist or anything, I'm just not very good at it. I have been pregnant or breastfeeding for too large a portion of my life and I have lost the knack somewhat.

I say I don't drink, but it would be more accurate to say I very rarely drink as every now and again I have memory lapse and think it might be nice to share a glass or two of wine with my husband of a weekend.

This is not, as you may be thinking, a cautionary tale about the evils of alcohol. No indeed, the wine agreed with me and there were few ill effect felt the following day. Until my husband and I remembered we had sort of slightly bought this;

I am not, nor have I ever been, into flashy cars. I have no want or need of an Alpha Romeo. I would much prefer a gas converted van or something that can tackle snow and mud. As far as I'm concerned, this car's most redeeming feature is that the leather interior is potentially 'wipe clean'.

I have not the time, money or patience to pander to a car.

So the moral of the story is do drink, go ahead and drink as much as you like, but if you drink, stay off e-bay.

Bringing Down the House ( well bits of the wall anyway)

2011-01-30T11:33:00.000-08:00

The house...ah the house.

Well we have damp. Rising, penetrating and just plain old condensing. We have paint for the outside which will help with the penetrating if only the weather would warm up a smidge so I could get it on. And now I have paint for the worst affected rooms inside. I just have to get the skanky, mouldy wall paper off first.

We started in the bathroom where the paper was so damp it could be mostly pulled off by hand. I borrowed a wall paper steamer from a friend and collected it from her Ma's where it had been stored in the shed. Unfortunately what I got in the bag was the water tank and an electric planer! So I had to give up on the steaming for the day.

As the wall paper came off, so did a few other things, and it became rapidly obvious that this wasn't going to be a quick paint job.

So back to town for the steamer parts and a quick stop off to collect massive amounts of poly-filler

I wonder how many more times I am going to be naive enough to think a job will be straight forward before I learn that nothing in this old unloved house is going to be a quick fix.

Thank goodness for that! I think I may have to bring my rough plastering lessons forward a little though.

Bored of Supper

2011-01-29T10:37:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time, when Simon still worked as a self employed dry-liner carpenter and finished at 4ish on a Friday, and we lived in our old rented house that required less attention, we used to have a feast for supper on Fridays. I would take great delight in cooking something lovely and making pudding, and we would all sit down and welcome the weekend.

That feels like a long time ago, and recently I have got sick of having to provide economical and filling suppers, served at different times for early eaters and late workers, and covering everyones dietary needs and preferences.

Faced with supper yesterday, and realising that I had almost run out of normal ingredients and had no way of getting any more, I decided to attempt a Friday feast. I knew Simon was coming home early (for him) and would probably make it back by 6 so I knew we were in with a chance of all eating together.

So I baked!

During the afternoon I made;

Bread rolls,

oaty biscuits,

supper onion pie (gluten free),

sweet potato, red onion and stilton tart,

sticky ribs,

rice, carrots and broccoli,

lemon polenta cake (gluten free)

and chocolate swamp pudding (gluten free).

It was definitely the right thing to do.

The Eight Month Jumper

2011-01-28T02:51:00.000-08:00

So here it is, a doggy jumper for the littlest boy.

It really isn't that I knit overly slowly, although I am no speed knitter. It is more just that you have usually got to be siting down to knit, and I sit down very rarely. I say 'usually' as I have been known to knit in a variety of other positions. I have spent many hours bouncing up and down on the spot, with a baby strapped to my front, resting a 'needed tomorrow' birthday gift, or a 'so nearly finished that I just can't bear to stop' piece of knitting on the rounded cloth covered little being in front of me.

I have knitted in many unusual places from train stations and soft play areas, to woods and moorland.

I like to think of myself as a guerrilla crafter!

So Freddie's Christmas jumper. Started in April, finished on the 23rd of December!

It is a Zoe Mellor pattern, photocopied from a well loved book belonging to a friends Mum. I always knit a size up as they always seem quite attached to a Mummy made jumper, and are disappointed when they become too small, and to be honest, I am aware of how long it takes me to finish a whole jumper!

I learnt after I was about half way through that Zoe Mellor patterns always come up large..."so always knit the size smaller than you need dear"! Oh well, too late!

The fact it looks like a dress just seems to fit with the fact that everyone thinks he looks like a girl. I don't care if he doesn't!

His lovely friend in these pictures are from Bluebells.

Satisfying

2011-01-27T12:34:00.000-08:00

It is satisfying to have such a well stocked chest of dressing up supplies that a forgotten about 'come as a fairy tale character' day can be easily accommodated. He wanted to be a pirate, so a pirate he was. I don't mean to brag but a prince, knight, elf, Robin Hood, wizard etc etc would have posed no problem either.

The only shop bought item was, fairly obviously I think, the pirate hat. Everything else had been made or commandeered for the purpose. The grey waistcoat was actually Finley's 'Great Escape' costume. Made for him from a cardi by a good friend when he was just 4 and it was his favourite film.

And it is very satisfying when you spot that a bag, made for a very good friend for Christmas, has become her 'bag'.

That's warm all over glowing satisfaction, that is.

Six Times Around The Sun

2011-01-26T12:38:00.000-08:00

All children are born unique, and for some children their uniqueness is subtle, but others are obviously and magnificently different.

Jack has always been utterly unique and in a world of his own, and although when he was younger that often took a little extra working out, he is now just such a joy to be around.

Not that he really notices

a whopping 6 fairy baskets on his birthday tree

We took him, and a couple of his friends, to the Milky Way. A huge corrugated iron building with a soft play area, a death slide, a farming museum, dodgems, and a number of other bizarre attractions which seemed to be all manned by one guy called either Greg or Captain Cosmic, depending on which attraction he was currently spearheading.

The boys thought he was great

This was a particularly important bit of creating I finished in time for his birthday. I had nearly finished before his Birth-Day, but not quite!

I planned and cut and sewed this during the days leading up to my due date six years ago. I hid myself in the dining room with a portable gas heater in the dead of winter, and I was still sat at my sewing machine, determined to finish, when the real rushes of labour brought the whole enterprise to a frustratingly premature halt.

And that was the last time I had worked on it, until a week ago.

It had been intended as a cot bumper but six year old boys have little use for a cot bumper. Instead I put looped bias tape at intervals along the top and strung it from a piece of doweling.

It is now hanging from the side of his bed, but once I have painted it will hang on the wall beside his pillow.

I can't wait to paint!

In Spate

2011-01-14T13:01:00.000-08:00

A most earnest search for puddles...

... for the important business of splashing in.

But the real Mummy reason for the expedition in the cold and wet was this.

I know that flood and rivers in spate are dangerous and destructive, and with the devastation caused by flooding both abroad, and so very close to home, I am anything but complacent.

But I can't help it, I just love LOVE a river in spate.

Just for comparison, you can see the two trees in the left of this picture, in the far right corner of the picture below, which was taken during the summer.

Mmm, or maybe I just love rivers, as the picture above is equally appealing!

I have driven miles out of my way to see a river that has burst its banks, and have driven down flooded roads to get to the best place to see a flooded valley.

I feel scared and exhilarated by them. In awe of their raw power, and fascinated by the swirling and bubbling surface that just hints at the power and turmoil beneath. I like to show the boys the river when its like this. I want them to understand how awesomely powerful every river is, but especially a river swollen with heavy rain and melted snow. I want them to respect it and feel the fear and adrenaline you need to keep you safe near something so elementally ferocious.

There goes the footpath!

The flood had receded by the time I made it down there. There was evidence of the silt deposits and flattened foliage all along the valley.

All too soon the footpath leaves the river bank and climbs up out of the valley. I felt very reluctant to leave, and longed to be able to follow the river further up to where the valley widens and the normal course of the river has been all but lost. I managed to catch this from higher up the hill through the tangle of beach hedge and holly trees. You can just see the snaking path of the river, and how far it has encroached into the farm land around.

Brilliant.

Embracing the Tower

2011-01-10T02:53:00.000-08:00

Something strange has been happening in my life over the last few weeks and months, and it is only now, as it gathers momentum and strength, that it has become truly obvious.

Everything is crumbling a little. All the technology I am so used to, and rely on so heavily, is breaking around me, and it seems the more we fix it, the faster it collapses. For the last few weeks, and not for the first time of late, I have been without a car. It broke, we fixed it, it broke more, we borrowed a car, that broke, we gave it back, we fixed ours, now it has really truly broken, and all we can do is fix it up for sale as it is. Many many other things have also broken, or started only partially working.
For all of December we had no washing machine, dishwasher, intermittent transport, and huge damp problems in this characterful old building. We now have a washing machine again, and I can't tell you how grateful I am for that little modern luxury!

This all sounds stressful and horrible doesn't it? I won't pretend that it hasn't caused some problems, and Mr is finding the constant need for repairs is putting a real strain on him and eating up all his free time, but I am ok.

It feels like the tarot card 'the tower'. Like the breaking down of old thoughts and ways, and the pulling apart of all that was. It feels like the dynamite going off under the sky scraper. I am anxious as to how this will all turn out and I hope we can make it through this disassembling without going under. I should be far far more stressed, but I think I understand that it is necessary, and that once the sky scraper is gone, and we clear away the rubble, there will be an empty space in which to build whatever we want.

Christmas was

2011-01-03T06:19:00.000-08:00

A lot of time spent lighting, tending and gathering around this.

The heart of the home. We finally managed to get a log delivery through the snow on Christmas eve!

A good covering of snow.

Oh how the white snow makes the house look even greyer!

So much snow. When Simon decided to try to dig the car out and make it to Torrington he asked our neighbours if they needed anything. As he was going from house to house the ones he had asked came out with spades and snow shovels and dug our car out.

A little wolf.

Some home made gifts

Some saved from the tip and brought back to life gifts

Some 'maternal glowy feeling at being right and knowing my little boys so very well' gifts.

A few (too few) wanders in the snow to marvel at the dirty looking sheep.

A smidgen of sledging between coughing fits.

And a lunar eclipse.

Trust me, behind those clouds is the point of full eclipse!

And so so much more. Family food cooked by everyone. Expeditions through the snow to let loved ones know how important they are. The strengthening of ties through both friendship and community. So so much hand work and home made love, more of which I will share as I untangle myself from the holidays and get back into normal life.

And now to this new year. Now to grow with the light, and go boldly into the depths of winter with the promise of spring.

The Advent Fair - before Christmas

2011-01-03T05:49:00.000-08:00

Wonderful home made food,

wreath making and face painting,

happy painted children,

handmade clothes and gifts,

music and dancing,

mulled wine and grape juice,

mince pies and cream,

lots of money raised,

good will spread,

all over warm and fuzzy feeling.

Just Being

2010-11-17T13:52:00.000-08:00

I went for a walk in the woods on Sunday. Not an uncommon occurrence I grant you, but this was different. I was ALONE.

It was late when my husband decided to drive a 40 mile round trip to my Grandparents house for some bits of Plexiglas my Grandpa had saved for him, and later still by the time he realised that the children really were coming along for the ride and he could do nothing to stop them.

The mountains of things requiring my attention were there. The paperwork, the laundry, the supper, the sewing...all there waiting for me. And I was tired, so tired, from several broken nights with unsettled children with bugs.

So I decided to go for a walk. Actually I just decided to go to the woods, and accept the walking as a by product.

It was beautiful. More than beautiful. It had been a clear cold late Autumn day and it slowly turned into a misty still Autumn twilight.

I walked, and stopped, and listened. I saw how the holy berries looked as though someone had painted them in scarlet gloss, like the staging for a Christmas photo shoot, but not for my benefit. I saw how the mist rose above the meanderings of the river, giving the whole valley an eerie and otherworldly quality, but that was only my interpretation. And it occurred to me there, in the silence and stillness that I am unaccustomed to in my boy filled world, that I love the wood, but the wood cares not one little bit for my affections.

It just is.

If a tree falls in the forest it matters not whether there is any one there to hear it. It's noises are not for us.

And small fish in big ponds and large fish in small ponds feel no more or less important and give no thought to the size of their pond and the relative dimensions of their own fish body.

They just are.

It is only us humans who attribute layer upon layer of meaning to everything, and it felt wonderful in the dusk and mist to just be, just for the briefest of moments, before heading back to meaning.

Wheal Eliza

2010-09-27T00:05:00.000-07:00

We took a walk on Exmoor yesterday. Starting in Simmonsbath and heading out to Wheal Eliza Cottage. The ruins of a tiny cottage left out on its own on the moor. You can just see the wall of it here. The boys and I stood in front of the piles of stones and imagined what it must have been like to live there.

Fin said it would have been boring to live such an isolated place, but then when we talked through what life out there would have involved, he decided there wouldn't have been time for being bored. It must have been so beautiful and so hard. They were probably snowed in for weeks or months at a time up there in the winter.

We had hoped to walk on to Cow Castle, but Jack had tummy ache and I wasn't convinced he would last so we will leave that one for next time.

Vocation Vocation Vocation

2010-09-22T06:38:00.000-07:00

Some places make you feel at home. Like you should be there.

Some times you just know you are where you should be.

Sometimes you find yourself bathed in autumnal sun, planting tiny little plug plants in a field of dwarf clover, talking to your friend and listening to the sounds of happy children as they roam unchecked around the farm.

I had the most sunny, beautiful day at the Share Harvest Farm yesterday. I spent the day working in the fields, whilst answering texts and phone calls for help and advice from two women who were in very different labours.

And as I carefully dug the little holes for the tiny cabbages, and leeks, and spring greens, and talked a woman through how to stay relaxed, and another through how to up her hormone levels, it occurred to me that this was about as perfect as it could get for me.

My own personal work ideal!

Oh, and I also realised we need a farm, or a small small holding at least! Time to get thinking again.

Updates on the births over at the Birthwise blog.

A Day Off and Working

2010-09-19T00:07:00.000-07:00

Fin's operation was only a partial success. Although they managed to straighten his nose as far as possible, it isn't straight. Fin is taking this quite badly as I think he was all geared up for everything to be back to normal by now. They have talked about cosmetic surgery to correct it, but the procedure sounds horrendous, involving chisels, and he can't have it done until his late teens as he is still growing.

When I say it isn't straight, it's not badly wonky either, or that noticeable, but to him it is glaringly obvious. We are just all trying our best to keep things light and positive, and focus on planning for all the excitements of the season ahead.

I cancelled a Couples Workshop I was supposed to be teaching yesterday, and Fin didn't want to see anyone so he skipped his youth theatre practice in the morning. He really just wanted to sit on the sofa and watch films so in the afternoon I left him and his Daddy to the sofa and took the littlies to the Working Day at Ashreighney.

Which as far as I can make out is a ploughing competition involving every conceivable method of dragging a plough over the ground. From the gleaming Massey to the tiny little vineyard tractor designed to be narrow enough to fit between the rows of vines, and these beautiful chaps of course, they all ploughed their little strips. There was no urgency though, or sticking to your own patch as the tractors seemed to take turns, swapping and moving around, and stopping to chat.

Jack and Lily followed this chap, with Jack launching his usual flurry of enquiries until by the time they had done a few turns Jack was naming the various parts of the plough, and explaining how the ropes steered the horses. He never quite managed to absorb the bit about ' don't touch their back legs or go behind them' though, and was constantly having to be called away. I like to think of it as 'selective genius'!

An Underactive Danger Gland

2010-09-16T15:40:00.000-07:00

I have obviously been thinking a lot about what happened to Finley at school. And I have talked to him about how to be more 'danger' aware, how to spot the danger signs and steer clear. Finley seems to be almost completely unaware of danger, which is a little unsettling as a parent, or at least it should be, and it it when I think of it, but at other times, it's not!

I have an under active danger awareness, and so does my son! Thinking about it I have real difficulty in feeling worried, or spotting potential dangers. In a world where people seem to see rapists around every street corner I seem to have missed out. And I guess my son has as well.

My lack of danger awareness in it's most innocent form gives rise to uncomfortable situations with other parents where they question why I haven't stopped Fin from doing things, or ask the questions about safety that haven't even occurred to me. At it's most serious it has allowed me to walk headlong into seriously sticky situations where luck and luck alone have meant that I'm still here and not on the front cover of a national newspaper.

It is bravery, and to be brave is no bad thing, but to be brave and stupid is disastrous. I am afraid of the dark, but not overly. I fear being near big drops and cliff edges with my children, and can't bear driving along roads with drops on one side, but I have never been afraid of another person, ever.

I think I need to teach my children to become more danger aware, but first I think I am going to have to teach myself.

Fin goes in for his op to straighten his nose tomorrow, and I am afraid for him. I fear for the discomfort he will have to go through, and the horrible experience that is a general anesthetic. And I'm afraid for myself, as I know how gut wrenchingly nerve shakingly upsetting it is going to be to hold his hand and watch him go under.

YES

2010-09-15T03:51:00.000-07:00

Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes.
It's a YES

Here's to the power of thought, of will, of intent, of Isis.

To all the things we can't see, and all the things we can't explain, and magic, however it manifests itself.

I want to sing and shout and scream and dance and I can hardly contain my overwhelming happiness.

And I knew, and told them all, but they doubted, but I KNEW.

HOORAY!

More details to follow, but for now just go and WISH. Whatever you want, whatever you need, just wish with all your heart and thought, and imagine it happening. Imagine how it will feel when it happens, see how you will react, feel the joy and excitement welling up inside you, and just keep doing it unitl it becomes REAL.

YES!

Rocks along the Road

2010-09-14T02:07:00.000-07:00

Finley and I went to see the Ear, Nose and Throat Consultant at the hospital yesterday who has booked Fin in for his corrective procedure on Friday.

If you have never had to watch your child be put under with a general anesthetic you are fortunate indeed. It is one of the most disturbing and upsetting things I have ever had to witness.

I am struggling to find positives in my feelings at the moment, and am trying hard not to let feelings of anger and disappointment become too great a part of our lives.

Fin has returned to school today as I did say he could go back once he had had his Consultants approval. I am trying very hard to keep up with Fin's confidence and enthusiasm, and not show him my own fears and concerns in case they become part of his story.

I believe very strongly that great things are just around the corner for our family, and that these are all just rocks along that road. We will never get where we are going if we fall foul of the rocks and give up on our journey.

Rocks and Hard Places

2010-09-13T00:09:00.000-07:00

We have been having some particularly trying times around here of late.

There have been some really good happenings happening, such as starting planting out some plug plants at the Share Harvest. This is really the very beginning of the 'harvesters' involvement in the project, and due to various factors such as ill health and holidays, I am the first and currently the only harvester working up there.

It felt so good to put these tiny little plans into the earth that John and Carrie have spent years improving. And the techniques we are using are so different to the 'conventional' methods, it is all very exciting and unprecedented.

Jack started in Hedgehogs class which feels wonderful. He loves it, and is a lot calmer now he has access to all the books and equipment available to him at school. They are currently studying Native Americans as the whole school learning subject so we are drawing totem poles and wolves now instead of city scapes and volcanoes.

Fin started Secondary school last week which was a tough thing for me to integrate. It isn't the growing up thing, I'm fine with that, it was more the change in influences and attitudes that was bothering me. As Fin neared school change age we explored various possibilities, looking at different schools and considering the possibility of home ed-ing. I did home ed Fin for about 8 weeks around the time of our move when I decided to remove him from his previous school. I was unsure at the time how his schooling would work out, but was prepared to keep him at home if that was what worked.

As it was he was offered a place at our local school which he really wanted to take up. I would have quite happily kept him at home but he really wanted to be at school so that was his decision. And it was a good one as he had a wonderful time at our local primary, and they really helped to undo a lot of the very destructive and unhelpful programming that he had received at his previous school.

So Secondary school. We eventually settled on him going to the local secondary for a number of reasons. Having looked at most of the schools in the area I had come to the conclusion that they were all pretty much of a muchness, and at least with this one it would be where most of his friends from school would go. It was in our local town and the bus collects them from right outside our sitting room window.

So he went, and loved it. Made some really nice friends, and met up with some old ones, and was having a lovely time. Right up until some boys took a slight dislike to him as he didn't like them and started saying they were going to knock him out etc. He thought it was just mildly amusing but I was concerned as I felt these were the sort of boys that Fin hadn't encountered before and that he was maybe unaware of a potential problem. I decided when he set off for school on his 4th day that I would e-mail his tutor that evening just to express my concerns.

Then I got a phone call just before lunch to say Fin has had his nose broken at break time.

Seems one of these lads decided to stop waiting for Fin to bite and try to antagonise him. Fin was stood talking to a group of friends when this boy and some cronies came up behind him and started to unzip Fins back pack to get stuff out. Fin turned around with this lad right up in his face, called him a name and pushed him away, at which this boy used his elbow to break Fins nose.

The police say it's probably GBH and that the way the boy hit Fin is a recognised martial arts move designed to cause maximum damage at close range.

The school have so far done nothing, saying they are waiting to see what the police do. In fact the only thing they have done is lie to me and tell me that all the witnesses said Fin hit him first. When I asked to see the witness statements they changed their story to say that only some said that, basically the ones taken from this lad and his gang! They had the all out nerve to suggest I needed to come in to talk about how we could help channel Fins energies into something positive!!! I told them that what with rugby, boy scouts, youth theatre, guitar, knitting, sewing, surfing, walking and helping at the farm I didn't think he would have the time!

I am left with zero confidence in the school and a sinking feeling of inevitability. Fin is just desperate to get back to school. He was loving it and he just can't wait to have all the subjects he still hadn't tried out yet. I think he is naive and doesn't understand how these sort of thing work. I'm sure there will be more trouble, especially with the school being so unhelpful and with this boy likely to be arrested.

There are just so many rocks and hard places in this world that sometimes it can be hard to see how things will ever turn out well! I just have to put my faith and trust in the universe and hope I receive the guidance I need to make the best choices.

Tail Chasing

2010-09-12T07:59:00.000-07:00

I have been neglecting this space of late.

There has been a lot going on, some good, some challenging, and I have found myself stretched both physically and mentally. I will be back to update and become more present again soon, but for now I must concentrate on getting straightened up and on figuring out how to work the camera my Mum has lent me.

I'm really missing my camera.

Here it Comes

2010-08-26T08:03:00.000-07:00

Its happening, can you feel it? It would depend on where in the world you live, but up here in the Northern Hemisphere if you're 'northern' enough, you can feel it now.

If you go outside and just stand still, smell the air, just feel it. Its the end of Summer and Autumn is beginning.

I smelt woodsmoke outside yesterday when I put the recycling out. It was 6.30 am and the world was still and cool, and there was woodsmoke in the air. I stopped, and felt it. And before the day had begun, and before the sun was really up, and before we all remembered it was still Summer's end really, Autumn was waiting in my back yard, whispering it's promises to me.
And I felt the little thread of excitement, like a lightening deep in my chest. And I felt a little clearer, a little calmer, a little more able and more in control.
I love every season, and the change of season always fuels me, excites me, but none so much as Autumn. This feeling of excitement and possibility just grows in me as Autumn does, right through until Christmas by which time I'm capable of anything and pretty much fit to burst.

As the year wains I find more of myself, and as I sit here I could almost giggle with the prospect of the next 4 months ahead of me.

I am an Autumn Girl

But my camera is broken, so I am also flying blind here, as it were!

How To Really Love a Child

2010-08-23T08:03:00.000-07:00

Struggling a bit, if I'm honest.
Not confident that I've got everything in hand.
So I've made a list to remind me what I'm aiming for, inspired by a post of the same name over at Shivaya Naturals

How To Really Love A Child

Listen :: get down and really look at them :: stand still :: tell them you love them :: say yes more than no :: make things with them and for them :: paint things including, but not always, paper :: follow their plans :: build their ideas :: let them help :: point out their strengths, not their weaknesses :: tell them when they make you feel wonderful :: keep it to your self when they make you feel tired :: build dens :: make biscuits :: forget imperfections :: laugh at mess :: go outside :: stop shouting :: let them bath at lunch time :: stay up to play a game :: eat chips at the beach :: don't be busy :: remember how small and precious they really are, and how fleeting their childhood really is.

Other People's Junk

2010-08-22T06:11:00.000-07:00

I find it hard to understand

the plethora of second hand.

It seems to me the only reason

is 'making do' is SO last season.

Why care, or mend or just make do

when you can opt for something new?

Why have just the things you need

when your budget quite supports your greed?

This cardigan, perhaps this top,

looked more in fashion in the shop?

This little top all lacy white?

Perhaps the cut was not quite right?

But this? This dress? How could it be?

that someone thought it 'not quite me'.

But I don't mind the spoils of waste

they suit my budget and my taste

And so I love the old 'car boot'

where one man's junk is another's loot

Elements of Self; A Shadow

2010-08-21T14:53:00.000-07:00

I have no shadow! I am a vampire, or Peter Pan. I have spent days trying to photograph my own shadow, and failed.

I tried to take pictures of my shadow where it usually falls, the cooker, the table, my knitting, the computer, our bed time story in the big bed, my sewing machine. Unfortunately the light in our house is so poor, my shadow was too faint to see. Just one of the many things I am having to come to terms with in our new home. Old Devon village houses were so often built to keep the weather out, not let the light in.

I then tried to capture my shadow on our wish adventure. and though I cast long powerful shadows, whenever I turned the camera on to capture them, the sun would hide and I would get nothing.

But I don't mind, I know my shadow is still there, still attached to my feet. I'm not really Peter Pan, I won't need it sewing back on.

So my offering here is of another shadow I cast, the one that comes to mind when I think of my shadow. The lovely long summers evening shadow that followed me around the golden hillside on our wedding day.

And a shadow that might remain, long after I am gone and my name is forgotten,

I have ever been in paintings, a side effect of growing up around artists, but this one is so much of me, as to almost be my shadow.

This post is to continue with Shakti Mama's Elements of Self challenge, which this week is focusing on our shadow. Please have a look at some of the other women and their shadows linked to her blog.

A Big Wish, A Little Magic?

2010-08-20T01:55:00.000-07:00

When you were a child, did you ever say 'if I can run to the end of the lane before the milk tanker gets there then I will get what I want for my birthday' or 'if i can get this piece of paper in the bin from here then *insert boys name here* will ask me out'.
And sometimes the magic worked didn't it? Sometimes, if you wished something enough, and you asked your wish a lot, and you showed your intent by beating the milk tanker, or running all the way home, or giving up something that you loved, sometimes your wishes came true.

Well, I have a wish, and it's a big wish. I'm wishing for a YES, and this yes could change our lives. It could make such a big difference to our little family. And I'm struggling as well, as I know there are more important things in the world, I know there are others that are wishing for food, or shelter, or protection, or health, and I know that compared to these wishes, mine doesn't seem so important.

But I'm wishing it with all my heart, and I'm wishing it long and loud, but I'm not sure how loud I can wish from my house.

So I ask how I can wish louder, how my wish can be amplified, how I can beat the milk tanker to the end of the lane.

And in the night I dream of Isis, the Egyptian mother goddess. I have always felt a connection to Isis, despite her being worshiped in such s far off place. I think she fits my understanding of the female mother aspect. I dream that I have to get high, high and windswept and empty, like the deserts of Egypt. And there is only one place I can think of that fits, Dartmoor.

I dream that i have to climb up high to make my wish, and that have to take my children, but only if the sun is shining when I wake up. It has been horribly wet and dismal here for a while so I figure I'm probably off the hook!

No, the sun is streaming through the window first thing. It was, to be fair, the only time for the next few hours that the sun showed itself, but I was going to the moor!

And I knew where I had to go as well, without thinking, Yes Tor of course, for a Yes!

Further investigation revealed that Yes Tor was widely recognised as being the highest and trickiest to climb on the whole moor, standing at some 2031ft and being heavy on the granite boulders. But that was where we had to go. I picked out a route that meant we could park at the base of neighbouring West Mill Tor, climb over or skirt around that one and then tackle Yes.

So we set off, with a printed bit of map, some waterproofs, sandwiches and a pack of celebratory kit-kat's for the top.

We parked, and the boys very quickly set off up West Mill Tor, so I guessed we were going up and over!

the view from the top of the 1st Tor

Looking across at Yes Tor it did look like quit a scramble, but we were fueled by our wish and the speed with which we had scaled West Mill Tor, so we rested not, but carried on.

As we neared the top I felt so relieved that had nearly done it. I had Fred in the back pack and he is fairly heavy now. I was also concerned as Jack is a notoriously bad walker who tends to complain and drag his way around even a short walk. He had done really really well but I felt we had probably pushed our luck with him a little!

At the very top there were a couple of hikers with poles and gators and all the gear. They asked if they could take my photo as they hadn't expected to see someone being carried up the Tor! One of them said I was making him feel like he just wasn't trying hard enough!

Then Fin, who was convinced that we hadn't followed the map quite right, asked if we were really on Yes Tor...

'Oh no' they said, 'this is West Mill Tor, that's Yes Tor over there'

AH!

It would seem the first Tor we had climbed was Row Tor, and the biggy was West Mill Tor, and the monster beyond was Yes Tor.

And it made sense, 3 boys, 3 Tors, and now we were really being tested.

Bu we had to do it, if the magic was going to work, if the wish was going to be heard, it had to be Yes Tor for a YES.

I have to say though that at this point I wasn't sure how we were going to do it. I really felt like I had given my all and I was fairly sure Jack was running on good luck. And as we looked at the Tor a cloud passed over it and cast an ominous shadow over its top.

Between West Mill Tor and Yes Tor is Red-a-Ven brook, which is basically a bog, which was fun! You sink faster with a 2 year old on your back! We followed the sheep, hoping they knew something we didn't, but it turned out they just knew they weren't as heavy as me.

But somehow, little by little, scramble by scramble, we got nearer and nearer until we were within reach of the top. And by now Jack was ahead of me, and seeming to jump up the boulders and run up the sheep tracks. I was astounded.

The hikers we had met on the previous Tor had beaten us to it, but only just, and we had stopped for sandwiches half way up.

And we made it! To the 'roof of Devon'. I don't think I have ever seen the boys so elated and joyous. The wind was incredible. Fin almost had to hold on to Jack for fear he might get blown right off the top.

And we made our wish, right up here where the earth meets the sky. We made it big and loud, and shared our food, and felt full of sky and earth and YES.

Sheltering from the wind, this is their 'have a break, have a kit-kat' photo, although it does look more like their 'Groucho Marx' photo.

Yes Tor is also home to the highest bronze age carins in Devon. Although They have all been 'disturbed' in the intervening centuries, there is plenty of evidence left.

You can see in the distance...the rain. I noticed as well.

This is us, legging it! We got absolutely soaked. Rain up there is like stepping into a shower. But it had held off whilst we climbed the Tors and for that I was grateful.

And I found this at the bottom of the Tor, as we were running from the rain. A spiral in the granite, an ancient symbol of life, and the mother, fertility and the universe. And a clockwise spiral at that, a spiral to bring things towards you.

When we got back to the car I checked the time, it had taken just under 3 hours. 3 Tors, with 3 boys, in 3 hours.

To London

2010-08-19T00:07:00.000-07:00

It was my very dear friends 30th last Sunday, so I went to London for a visit. I went alone, just me, no children, no husband, just me. This is the first time I have had any time off when I wasn't teaching since I was about 7 months pregnant with Fred.

I love going to see my friend. Living so far away, and both living our busy and hectic lives, we don't see nearly enough of each other. So to have a whole weekend with her was luxury.

But the journey, oh the journey, what bliss! An hour on a bus, an hours wait at the train station, then nearly 4 hours on a train, and the same coming back! Just me and my knitting and the occasional cup of peppermint tea. I honestly enjoy the journey as much as the visit!

I don't think you can really appreciate time spent on your own until you have none. Likewise anyone who says they are bored just clearly has too much free time on their hands and a lack of imagination. I can't imagine ever getting through all the things I'd like to do to get to the point of feeling bored!

Oh, and these? They were bought in Clapham, in a sale I hasten to add, and have become my 'when you reach your target weight' reward shoes. So for now I just get them out of the box and smell them a lot! I love the smell of new shoes!

The First Harvest

2010-08-18T23:41:00.000-07:00

Our first harvest! From our tiny little yard. Unless you count the small amounts of basil that we have been having, but I don't.

There would have been several that ripened earlier but Fred kept picking them as soon as they started to fatten up. We would have had strawberries by now as well, but Fred kept biting them in half as soon as they started to swell.

A Beautiful Birth

2010-08-13T11:22:00.000-07:00

I am fortunate that my work is also my interest and my passion. I know that my teaching and involvement with pregnant women and their families is what I want to do, and have always wanted to do, since as far back as I can remember.
Birth, as everyone knows deep down, is a miracle, and the more you understand it and immerse yourself in it, the more amazing and miraculous it becomes.

There are some days though when there just doesn't seem like enough of me to go around. Some days when I feel like I am doing many things badly instead of a few things well, days when I think that my teaching is just one pressure too many on our stretched little family.

Then I get an e-mail like this one...

Ithan Saul Hancock 31st of July 2010

I woke up at 7 in the morning, despite having been up half the night with Rosa, my teethy two year old. I thought that I felt a tiny pop but thought I’d probably imagined it as Ithan wasn’t due for another 10 days. I tried to go back to sleep and drifted a bit but started to feel like the baby was poking me really low down and so decided to get up and make tea. When I got out of bed I noticed a small wet patch and started to wonder if baby might on his way
. I wrote my diary for a while wondering if it was really happening and cursing the fact that we had decided to start decorating the dining room the day before so the house was total chaos. Not the lovely clean tidy environment I’d imagined giving birth in at all!

By 8.30 the poking feelings had turned into definite period type cramps and I had to go to the loo for a huge pooh so I thought it really must be happening and I’d better wake Gareth up and tell him the baby was on his way. As things were still really quite mellow I didn’t feel any urgency as my labour with Rosa had been about 14 hours, the first 6 or so were fairly relaxed.

However by halfway through Rosa’s breakfast I was starting to find it hard to concentrate and the contractions were definitely getting stronger. Gareth phoned the hospice, where we had arranged for Rosa to be while we had the baby and they were great and said they’d get her room ready, bring her straight in
. I phoned the labour ward and had a chat with them and they said they’d find someone to come out . None of us thought there was any rush though as I could still concentrate enough to make sense during contractions. They said the midwife might be a while but that sounded fine as I thought it might give us some time to sort our chaos out.

G whisked Rosa off and although she had been quite amused by the noises I was starting to make I was relieved as it meant I could fully concentrate on the physical and what was happening. I went and sat on the loo again and it all reached another level of intensity. I started sounding and it really helped my breathing and to focus on thinning and opening.
I felt so much more aware of the process this time and of everything we had learnt both in the hypnobirthing and the active birth classes. Last time I felt like the hypnobirthing fed in and really helped but it was on a subconscious level. This time I felt I was consciously drawing from what I knew.

I decided to get in the bath. I thought it would help and if it slowed things down a bit it wouldn’t be a bad thing either. G came home as I was trying to run the bath and helped me into it. He then did a super human high speed hoover and tidy. I was feeling like everything was going on very low down and I was really starting to push.
Gareth had been timing my contractions and said that when he’d started they’d been 30 seconds long and three minutes apart and the gaps just got smaller everytime until there was barely a minute between them. I felt they were coming in waves the whole morning but the sets were definitely increasing and getting closer together.
I was using the sounding more and more, I surprised myself by how loud I was, mostly using ooooh! and AAAAH! As my surges got deeper and intensified so did my voice. It really felt like I was using my voice to push and squeeze downwards.

G had to give me a lot of support to get out of the bath. I had to hang off him every time a contraction came and there wasn’t much time in between them. Eventually we made it into the sitting room. I felt so happy when I saw it
, I think I hadn’t really been able to imagine giving birth in there as we had had to go to hospital at the crucial moment last time. Gareth had made it really lovely, or so it seemed to me. It was clean and uncluttered and everything was covered in throws and towels. I think my only moment of anxiety had been at the beginning when I realised it was really happening and the house was such a state. I couldn’t even really sit down anywhere let alone imagine giving birth. I felt huge relief and love for him. All of this in the blink of an eye between fast and furious surges.

I asked Gareth to sit on the sofa and I knelt on the floor resting on him in between and braced by him during contractions. By this point I was really roaring, proper effective pushing with my whole self. My voice was deep down roaring him out. I said to G at that point it felt fierce, I think that describes the physical sensations really well but I felt fierce too.

I needed to sit back for a moment and I leant my back against the birthing ball while kneeling with my legs apart. This was really intense and when I put my hand down I could feel his head. It was amazing and so exciting. I wasn’t at all bothered that the midwife wouldn’t be there. I didn’t feel like I needed anyone else.
I felt a bit stuck in that position so we went back to the sofa. From then it was maybe two or three more pushes and I felt his head be born, it was the most wonderful and satisfying feeling. In a strange moment of clarity I saw the midwifes car pull into the drive. Another push and he came out with a splash onto the floor, he started to cry straight away .

Gareth got out from under me and picked him up in a towel. I was stretched forward, panting on the sofa, everything felt like it was in slow motion. G told me he was a boy and I kept saying hello baby without moving, he asked me if I wanted to hold him but I needed to just stay where I was for a moment.

The midwife knocked on the door and G shouted for her to come in. She came into the hall all of a bustle saying sorry she was late, traffic etc. and she came into the room and said oh my god you’ve delivered! It was perfect timing as far as I was concerned as she was able to do check him out and make sure my placenta came out completely, which it did without the need for the third stage injection.

Ithan and I had lovely naked cuddles for quite a while until the cord was cut after the pulsating had stopped. He didn’t feed straight away but nuzzled around lots and I felt elated and so very lucky. I had a tiny tear but it didn’t need stitches so by lunchtime the midwife had gone and we were eating scrambled eggs on toast and wondering if it had really happened!

Thank you so much for helping me to have an amazing birth experience. I will treasure the memories of Ithan’s arrival for ever. The classes empowered me and meant I felt confident and in control and was able to trust my body and my baby completely.

...and I remember why I love what I do, and shall keep on doing it.

View My Complete Profile!

2010-08-11T14:25:00.000-07:00

bread bakin',

cake makin',

house cleanin',

Fred weanin',

clothes sewin',

slow growin',

family feedin',

path weedin',

rhyme writin',

NO FIGHTIN',

dragon slayin',

munky payin',

hot bitch, punk ass, Mutha Mother

Elements of Self; The Eyes Have It!

2010-08-09T14:01:00.000-07:00

Continuing with Shakti Mama's Elements of Self series, I am posting today on the theme of eyes. I have tried, with this series, not to think too much or 'stage' the photo's as far as possible. Instead I have tried to just do it, there and then, with what ever happens happening. I saw the latest challenge in the series today, and so I photographed my eyes.

I can't imagine a worst day to photograph myself! I went to a friend Hen Party on Saturday and drank beer and stayed out until gone 2 am! All thing that I have not done for literally years! The last time I stayed up late and got drunk was on our honeymoon, seriously! And I feel terrible for it. Not hungover, as I actually didn't consume much, but just really tired and run down.

That'll learn me!

Pig's in the Woods

2010-08-08T10:49:00.000-07:00

I have some very wonderful and interesting friends who have an amazing sustainable farm project near us. Quiet Waters Farm is in its early stages, but is going to incorporate a 'share harvest' which we are involved with. It's all very exciting!
We went over to play with their abundant children on Friday, and became embroiled in a full scale pig round up. Their most secure paddock, also known as Colditz, was breached by 18, yes, 18 brazen adult pigs. We spent a long time, and to be fair I have no real idea how long we were at it, rounding them up.

Quiet Waters is not the sort of farm where you find straight lines and fences, and acres of open ground. This was jungle warfare and it was man against pig through hedges and brambles and woods and quagmire. I hitched my long skirt up, tucked it into my knickers, stole my friends spare wellies, and gave chase!

I wish I had photos, I so genuinely do, but there was no time for that sort of thing! With the younger children watching from the barn, and the older lads assisting in the round up, we managed to get all 18 back into Colditz, now known as Ford Open Prison!

My legs were scratched and scraped and I was covered in mud and brambles. I looked like some sort of demented woman of the woods, but I do so love a good pig round up.

Gone to the Woods

2010-08-05T23:32:00.000-07:00

Supper

A shared bedtime story

morning cuppa

climbing tree's in pajamas

breakfast

We had a girls night out (plus children) and stayed in the woods last weekend. Myself and two other friends took our many children to our friends woods. It was warm and rained heavily late in the evening, and we went to sleep to the lullaby of raindrops on tent roofs. We had a lovely camp.

Friends

2010-08-01T12:30:00.000-07:00

These are my sons two bestest mates. One he has known since he was 6 weeks old. He would have known him sooner but we had to wait for him to be born. The other he met when we moved to the village, and they have become almost inseparable. His very old friend is the son of my oldest bestest mate who we see regularly, but not regularly enough. So we decided to all go to the beach together.

It was so lovely seeing these three together. They got on so well and I think Fin was just about as happy as I've ever seen him! Best mates and surf = heaven!

The other boys were pretty chuffed as well. They both get to play with my friends daughter who is slap bang in between them age wise.

hermit crab

I hope everyone gets to play with their bestest friend this summer.

These Little Things

2010-07-29T23:41:00.000-07:00

The first blackberry of the season, and all the promise of those heavily laden brambles.

I have a shelf above my cooker on which I occasionally stick little notes to myself to remind me of things I need to keep in my mind in order to not get bogged down by the every day stuff. To the left is my note, and on the right is Simons response. (Mine reads 'tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?' and Simons reads 'maybe watch a bit of telly and have a sit down')

We are chalk and cheese, he and I, but share the important things, like our sense of humour. And I love that it is often our differences, not our similarities that make us strong, as we fill in each others gaps.

Throwing In The Towel

2010-07-28T23:12:00.000-07:00

We escaped to the beach yesterday. It was just one of those days when you know you're on to a looser from the outset. Fin had surf school and although he only had to be dropped of at the meeting point in our local town, and was then being taken by mini bus to the beach, we decided to follow. A decision made about 6 minutes before we had to leave, so Fred had no trunks, Jack had no jumper and we had 1 towel between us!

The sea is so warm at the moment and that, of course, means jelly fish, lots and lots of them! Most of them are these chaps who are moon jellies, and according to different sources will either not be able to puncture human skin, or will occasionally give you a 'nettle like sting'. They are deadly if you happen to be plankton!

We did see what I'm 99% sure was a lions mane jelly though, which sting a bit worse, but it was only a little one and I didn't have the camera on me.

And just because it really was that sort of a day, we got ice creams.

Easy Bunting- for Victoria

2010-07-27T23:47:00.000-07:00

picture by Jack!

We recently made bunting as a present for two little girls. It was truly easy peasy and I really loved the fabric we used to make the ones shown above.

This is the finished bunting for Honey. I love the colours of this one!

And this is Phoebe's, although you can't see the lettering so clearly here.

The fabric I used for Honeys came from a market near my Mums place in France, and I phoned her and asked her to pick me up some more if there was any left. This she did the following morning, then made her way to Victoria's jewelry stall. Victoria is getting married later year and was sat at her stall making bunting for her wedding.

End result- I get a phone call from my Mum on Victoria's phone from in the middle of a market in the Dordogne asking me if I can tell Victoria how I make my bunting.

So this, Victoria, is for you!

Easy Bunting-

You will need, quantities dependant on how much you want to make of course,

Fabric, cut into 9 inch wide ( or however long you want your flags to end up) strips,

Bias binding, long enough to accommodate all the flags plus enough to be able to tie it up at each end.

Thread to match the binding, if you're worried about the little details!

you will also need pinking shears.

Very faint chicken scratch diagram explained-

Step 1- measure 8 inch (or however wide you want your flags to be)intervals along the top of your fabric, stagger along the bottom by measuring in 4 inches first, then 8 inch intervals. Using your pinking shears, cut between the mark to create your flags.

Step 2- Lay the bunting, right side up, along the inside edge of your bias binding and pin in place. Sew along the top of the bunting to join the flags to the binding.

Step 3- Fold the top of your bias tape over and pin in place. It helps to iron it flat at this point. Sew along the front of the bias binding, right side of flags to finish. don't forget to sew all the way along the tape to finish the ties at each end. The back of the bunting will have 2 lines of stitching at the top, while the front will just have one.

It is possible to run step 1 and 2 together by folding the bias tape in half and ironing before hand, then placing the flags in and pinning in place. You would just have to be more careful, and it can be tricky to keep the flags in place as well.

Happy bunting!