Monday, 13 September 2010

Rocks and Hard Places

We have been having some particularly trying times around here of late.

There have been some really good happenings happening, such as starting planting out some plug plants at the Share Harvest. This is really the very beginning of the 'harvesters' involvement in the project, and due to various factors such as ill health and holidays, I am the first and currently the only harvester working up there.

It felt so good to put these tiny little plans into the earth that John and Carrie have spent years improving. And the techniques we are using are so different to the 'conventional' methods, it is all very exciting and unprecedented.

Jack started in Hedgehogs class which feels wonderful. He loves it, and is a lot calmer now he has access to all the books and equipment available to him at school. They are currently studying Native Americans as the whole school learning subject so we are drawing totem poles and wolves now instead of city scapes and volcanoes.

Fin started Secondary school last week which was a tough thing for me to integrate. It isn't the growing up thing, I'm fine with that, it was more the change in influences and attitudes that was bothering me. As Fin neared school change age we explored various possibilities, looking at different schools and considering the possibility of home ed-ing. I did home ed Fin for about 8 weeks around the time of our move when I decided to remove him from his previous school. I was unsure at the time how his schooling would work out, but was prepared to keep him at home if that was what worked.

As it was he was offered a place at our local school which he really wanted to take up. I would have quite happily kept him at home but he really wanted to be at school so that was his decision. And it was a good one as he had a wonderful time at our local primary, and they really helped to undo a lot of the very destructive and unhelpful programming that he had received at his previous school.

So Secondary school. We eventually settled on him going to the local secondary for a number of reasons. Having looked at most of the schools in the area I had come to the conclusion that they were all pretty much of a muchness, and at least with this one it would be where most of his friends from school would go. It was in our local town and the bus collects them from right outside our sitting room window.

So he went, and loved it. Made some really nice friends, and met up with some old ones, and was having a lovely time. Right up until some boys took a slight dislike to him as he didn't like them and started saying they were going to knock him out etc. He thought it was just mildly amusing but I was concerned as I felt these were the sort of boys that Fin hadn't encountered before and that he was maybe unaware of a potential problem. I decided when he set off for school on his 4th day that I would e-mail his tutor that evening just to express my concerns.

Then I got a phone call just before lunch to say Fin has had his nose broken at break time.

 Seems one of these lads decided to stop waiting for Fin to bite and try to antagonise him. Fin was stood talking to a group of friends when this boy and some cronies came up behind him and started to unzip Fins back pack to get stuff out. Fin turned around with this lad right up in his face, called him a name and pushed him away, at which this boy used his elbow to break Fins nose.

The police say it's probably GBH and that the way the boy hit Fin is a recognised martial arts move designed to cause maximum damage at close range.

The school have so far done nothing, saying they are waiting to see what the police do. In fact the only thing they have done is lie to me and tell me that all the witnesses said Fin hit him first. When I asked to see the witness statements they changed their story to say that only some said that, basically the ones taken from this lad and his gang! They had the all out nerve to suggest I needed to come in to talk about how we could help channel Fins energies into something positive!!! I told them that what with rugby, boy scouts, youth theatre, guitar, knitting, sewing, surfing, walking and helping at the farm I didn't think he would have the time!

I am left with zero confidence in the school and a sinking feeling of inevitability. Fin is just desperate to get back to school. He was loving it and he just can't wait to have all the subjects he still hadn't tried out yet. I think he is naive and doesn't understand how these sort of thing work. I'm sure there will be more trouble, especially with the school being so unhelpful and with this boy likely to be arrested.

There are just so many rocks and hard places in this world that sometimes it can be hard to see how things will ever turn out well! I just have to put my faith and trust in the universe and hope I receive the guidance I need to make the best choices.


  1. ugh, this was tough to read....I feel so badly for you both. Isn't violence a horrible thing? ...whether it's between adults or children, it's all the same to me. makes me feel like getting sick. What makes this even more difficult is that you are such a thoughtful mother....not just "sending" your littles ones off to school because "that's what you do" put so much more thought and heart into it.
    Bullying is a nasty thing...and some may say that 'boys will be boys"....but that doesn't excuse violent and combative behavior. And as for channeling your boy's seems like he has many nurturing activities which he enjoys. It's great that he is looking forward to going back though; that speaks volumes of his resiliency! And I'm sure that your loving heart makes him feel safe, too!
    I hope that everything resolves in a timely manner for'll know what to do, I am sure! Follow your heart and instincts--they will never fail you:)

  2. Thanks Rebecca, You are a comforting voice. x

  3. So sorry to hear about Fin, as well as feeling apprehensive for him you must be so proud that he isn't afraid to go back, what a strong boy. I hope that the good boys rally round him and the bad boys see that he isn't rattled so don't bother any more.Amy xxx


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