Mmm, This is trickier than I was hoping, and not just because my ancient laptop keeps freaking out every time I use the 't' key.
I am always amazed how the universe provides. Sometime it deliverers just what you needed in the nick of time, sometimes it produces something before you were even aware that it was missing, and at other times it presents you with just what you need even though you may feel a little uncomfortable about it. This definitely falls into the latter category.
I have been reading Shakti Mama's post about posting a series of real unedited self portraits on your blog as an honest expression of ourselves and as a way to make friends with our internal and external images. I was inspired to take part by Childhood Magic's post in response to the challenge.
I don't hate the way I look. I am short (about 5ft 3) and have always struggled with my weight, usually successfully. I have never been skinny but I have often felt happy in my own skin, which I am grateful for. I have put on nearly a stone since we moved into the 'project' at the end of January due to various health problems that I'm not quite ready to post about just yet. I'm am not happy about my current appearance and have got into the habit of hiding behind the camera, rather than facing it head on.
My problem with my appearance isn't just vanity. I teach Natural Active Birth classes which involve a lot of health advice and yoga based exercises, and I feel that a teacher in that situation should look a certain way in order to be taken seriously, and at present my external image doesn't fit my internal one. I am no less able, but I feel it compromises my credibility somehow.
I also feel such empathy with both of the above posts. The wavering energy flow that can lead to feeling sometimes that you just aren't quite 'you' at times, and the hiding behind photo's of our children so as not to leave our own comfort zone. Events of the past few months have really knocked my confidence and sense of ability and I feel it shows. I think you can see it in my face, but that may be my own perspective.
So, I decided to join in. Just take some photos of me, up close and personal as it were. And I am going to try to join in with the full 8 week challenge. I am going to try to post an honest self portrait on Sunday for 8 weeks. Having decided to do this I am going to do it, but like I said at the start, I am feeling well out of my own comfort zone here, far more so that I expected.
Pressed Leaf Star Garland
6 months ago