Monday, 10 January 2011

Embracing the Tower

Something strange has been happening in my life over the last few weeks and months, and it is only now, as it gathers momentum and strength, that it has become truly obvious.

Everything is crumbling a little. All the technology I am so used to, and rely on so heavily, is breaking around me, and it seems the more we fix it, the faster it collapses. For the last few weeks, and not for the first time of late, I have been without a car. It broke, we fixed it, it broke more, we borrowed a car, that broke, we gave it back, we fixed ours, now it has really truly broken, and all we can do is fix it up for sale as it is. Many many other things have also broken, or started only partially working.
 For all of December we had no washing machine, dishwasher, intermittent transport, and huge damp problems in this characterful old building. We now have a washing machine again, and I can't tell you how grateful I am for that little modern luxury!

This all sounds stressful and horrible doesn't it? I won't pretend that it hasn't caused some problems, and Mr is finding the constant need for repairs is putting a real strain on him and eating up all his free time, but I am ok.

It feels like the tarot card 'the tower'. Like the breaking down of old thoughts and ways, and the pulling apart of all that was. It feels like the dynamite going off under the sky scraper. I am anxious as to how this will all turn out and I hope we can make it through this disassembling without going under. I should be far far more stressed, but I think I understand that it is necessary, and that once the sky scraper is gone, and we clear away the rubble, there will be an empty space in which to build whatever we want.

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